Wherever you are in your life, a simple shift in mindset is all it takes to begin appreciating every little bit this life has to offer again. And, if you’re feeling a little lost today like I was, I hope you remember that this morning you woke up. You took deep breaths and smelled a pot of coffee and picked up your phone or tablet or laptop to come here and read this. You’re doing better than you think, I promise.

I tried to write this blog post t h r e e times and failed. Not because I didn’t know what to say or how to say it but because I couldn’t bring myself to relive this season of my life.

After about an hour of prep and precise positioning, my surgeon leaned over and said, “anything we can do comfort-wise before we start?” I took a deep breath to release the tension in my body. “A vodka soda would be great,” I sassily replied as humor is often the path I take when I’m feeling anxious.

Right about now, I should be laying on the operating table. But, instead, I am here. Writing to you from my couch and listening to the rain fall, wishing things could have panned out a little differently today.

I had been hospitalized for another illness, but this time, it took a huge emotional toll on me. Over the past couple of years, my health had taken a steep decline as my disease progressed rapidly.

What I'm scared about now is what's next. What I've been doing all of this for. The one thing that's been keeping me up at night for the last two months. And, that's whether or not this drug will work.

So, on the ride up to Boston yesterday morning, I started recounting all of my body's little victories and defeats as far back as I could remember, and one time stood out in particular.

"I'm so sorry, Alyssa," my surgeon said for the umpteenth time. "I'm so sorry that was more difficult than the last time. "Although my first procedure went incredibly well, that didn't guarantee the second time around would be the same.

Although the odds were somewhat stacked against me, I knew the only choice I had was to proceed with the opportunity. I've waited for this my entire life- I had to, at least, try.